It sounds like a simple question, but it's not easily answered. After all, whether we are submissive, aggressive or assertive can depend on the situation, and the person we're talking to. Someone who is submissive may be aggressive with their colleagues, and so on. However, there are three ways to identify which way you lean in certain situations, and awareness of your state is the first step to changing it. These are:

Stating your needs and requirements

We all know what an aggressive character does in this scenario. They demand - and put themselves first. This obviously gets some results some of the time, but more than likely it will just alienate people and they won't particularly like you (and what use is that in the long term, at work?). However it must seem effective to the aggressive person - we've all known people who take this tactic a bit too far.

The submissive person doesn't actually state their needs, most of the time. They rely on others for cues on how they should proceed, and consider their own needs to play second-fiddle to theirs, even if the person is below them in rank or is a subordinate or in an assistive role at work. If you find yourself lapsing into a submissive role, then remember that your own needs count and sometimes you have to ask that they be met - not in an aggressive way, but with assertiveness - which brings us on to how the assertive person acts.

An assertive personality will state their needs in a non-demanding way that shows that they have a sense of self-respect, but not a sense of being better than anyone else. It's a hard balance to find, but this is the stance you should strive for when asking for what you want.

Flexibility at work

Flexibility is so important in the workplace, it's often a skill cited in interviews by candidates keen to impress. We all want someone who can pitch in at the last minute, accept a delegation, or "act up" when needed. These are hallmarks of the assertive person. They are flexible, but also know when to say no to stop any negative effect on their own workload.

An aggressive stance is the paragon of inflexibility. Can't help, won't help. Sometimes this aggression comes from stress rather than any vindictiveness, so be aware of that difference if you think that's what's happening. The submissive stance is infinite flexibility, a person who bends to the ebb and flow of others' workloads, often to detriment to their own. Although people like colleagues to be helpful, nobody wants a doormat!

Respecting the opinions of others

A submissive person doesn't respect the opinions of others - they acquire them as their own. This isn't disrespect, but it's sometimes not a positive thing. For example, you couldn't have a brainstorm or an ideas session with a very submissive character as they will automatically agree with others rather than put their own views forward. Of course, the aggressive personality is the opposite - ignoring the opinions of others and bulldozing theirs through without much consideration. Maybe they are just a bad listener, or maybe they're not used to working in a team - but it's not a good style at work.

The assertive person both respects, listens to and acts on the opinions of others, while maintaining their own. Like other assertive stances described here, it's actually a lot harder than it sounds, especially under stress. However, bearing these three common work themes in mind - you'll be able to recognise when you're being assertive, aggressive, or submissive - and help to train yourself otherwise accordingly.