Yes, please, I do, I will, we can. It's easy to say yes. Positive, optimistic, upbeat. No, on the other hand can be harder to come out with. It's a negative word, one of denial and rejection, one that can hurt feelings, disappoint people, and put a stop to any number of plans and hopes. Leaning towards yes and keeping everyone happy tends to be the most attractive option; certainly, there's nothing intrinsically amiss with saying yes, and it will often be the most sensible choice as well as the most pleasing.

Often, though. Often - definitely not always. An estates manager can't routinely just say yes to requests for new facilities. Negotiating with suppliers or purchasers should never be a matter of simply agreeing, and doing your company out of a good deal. If a department already has more work on its plate than can be dealt with, it can only be a bad idea to keep saying yes to more work, knowing it won't be done properly and that the results will harm the department and the business as a whole. Saying no may be the more uncomfortable option, but it's frequently essential, and being prepared to answer in the negative can play a critical role in any business.

A number of factors might be playing on our minds if we're struggling to say no. The other party might be aggressive, and we may feel that we're being pressed into agreeing against our will; we could be concerned that refusal will hamper our careers or the position of the department; we may be averse to hurting others' feelings. After all, whether we answer yes or no, and whatever the request may be, the consequences don't just impact on ourselves. Nonetheless, we have to make a decision unhindered by these most natural of concerns, and stand firm if that decision is pressured. Let's look at those three influences, and how we can hold them back.

Resisting aggression

Negotiations don't always proceed in a smooth and cordial fashion, with both parties cooperating towards a win-win situation. It's not unusual to be faced with intimidation, and many people will look to force agreement by taking that approach. In such situations, we must keep our emotions under control; aggression and bullying techniques are intended to get a positive response from emotional reactions, so a detached and calm approach is essential - the bully must not win, must not be allowed to believe that their approach is the right one.

This isn't easy, particularly for those of us who find it difficult to stand up to intimidation, but practice and preparation make perfect. Body language is also important: if the other party is standing, stand up too; if the other party is leaning forward, don't lean back - aggressive tactics are intended to bring about a change in their target, and if successful will be used over and again. Standing ground, physically, emotionally and in the content of the negotiation, will defuse the intimidation, create a more level playing field, and make it much easier to say no, and - vitally - to stand by that answer.

Concerns at work

Hostility won't necessarily come from a negotiating party, however. What if a colleague, manager, or anyone else from within the same organisation is pushing something which we know we should refuse? Whether it's aggression or simply an unreasonable demand, it's all too easy to be caught between the knowledge of what we or our staff can and can't do, and a fear of the repercussions of denying a request from within the company (especially if that request should come from a significantly senior figure).

The tactics used for standing up to an aggressive negotiator aren't really apt in this case - instead, we should look to preparing ourselves with a thorough understanding of the situation and our limitations. Simply saying no is neither as effective or as likely to maintain a good relationship as saying 'no, because...'; providing an explanation of why a positive answer isn't possible encourages others to see that the refusal isn't just for one party's benefit, but for the benefit of the wider organisation. As that benefit is one that means a lot to all in the business, there's no need to be concerned about the impact on our own position.

Feelings

Sometimes, we agree to requests that we ought to turn down out of sympathy, we don't want to hurt the feelings of colleagues and friends. This is a natural response, and not necessarily a bad one - a society full of helpfulness and selflessness is a happy one - but in business conditions, it's something that should be treated with caution. After all, the desire to be of assistance, to be nice to someone we see every day, fulfils only a temporary need, whereas the stress and mismanagement of time and resources can often create difficulties that impact on everyone in the company, and for rather more time. Again, detachment from the situation will help in identifying the fairest solution, and a clear explanation of why the no is necessary can help avoid hurting anyone's feelings.

Knowing when to agree to a request and when to turn it down, then sticking to and having confidence in the decision, will make an impression beyond any initial answer. If we establish our position (and those around us do the same), it engenders a climate of responsibility and understanding, of workloads being shared, of everyone being committed to the wider aims, of cooperation and teamwork. It even makes it easier to say yes when yes is the most appropriate answer, with all concerned aware that it's the right decision for the circumstances, not an answer brought about by intimidation or fear.

And that, ultimately, is the most important point of all. Being confident in saying no keeps us in control, not just of the matter in hand but of the long-term situation - we can't be bullied in submission, we won't be pushovers, we can't be expected to be swayed by our emotions, and we will make the most appropriate decision in all circumstances. It may not always be easy, but with practice (and a short training course can help here, too), we can all learn how to be assured and unbending in our answers, negative or positive. And through knowing how and when to say no, we can give a resounding yes to success.