Leadership Development – Page 8 – STL

In all our careers there will be occasions where we need to have difficult conversations with our colleagues, these may be focused on performance management, poor behaviour, giving bad news, or be of a personal or sensitive nature, whatever the issue is, many of us do not look forward to these moments.

Why do we put these conversations off?

According to stats from the CIPD, the main reasons for putting these conversations off were the following:

Didn’t want to create a bad atmosphere 29%
To avoid confrontation 18%
Didn’t know how to say it 16%
Worried about the reprisals 11%
Thought it might make the situation worse 11%
Didn’t want to upset someone 8%
Other reasons (e.g. lack of back up, lack of time) 7%

And what happened? They asked “Did the issue…”

Resolve itself 4%
Get worse 43%
Stay the same 49%

The other 4% reported that someone else had tackled the issue…

….not great results. On our excellent Effective Communications Skills course, we look at ways to make these conversations far less challenging and more importantly help them to be more productive and valuable for all. Let’s have a look at some of the ideas.

Reflect on the situation

Before you go headlong into having a difficult conversation, it is useful to pause and reflect on the situation; considering these questions will really help you plan:

What type of conflict is it?
What facts, purpose and values are involved?
What personality types are involved?
What is your natural response to the conflict? Avoid, Accommodate, Compete,

Compromise, Collaborate?

Is this the best way? What might work better?

After some reflection, you will be in a better position to have a far more productive conversation; the following steps can assist you.

1 – Everyone tells it like they see it

Ask questions to draw out the other’s side of the conflict, there are always two sides to a story
Set ground rules, this helps keep the conversation on track, professional and focused.
Listen without judging and avoid interrupting or blaming, hear the other person out – fully.
Take notes as you may need to refer to these to confirm what has been said or for future events.
Paraphrase what they have said before saying your version to check for understanding. Paraphrasing will confirm you really heard the other party.

2 – Everything is on the table

Share your understanding of the conflict so the other party sees your point of view.
Present your case by using “I” statements, talk for yourself and use your own evidence and feelings and understanding of the situation.
Get to the point and focus on the issue, not on personalities, accusations, or past encounters
Include feelings, facts, and perspectives – these are important and matter.

3 – Focus on the future

Ask for commitment to working out a solution, without this, problems will not resolve. The issues will reoccur.
Create a mutual action plan, discuss, and agree a solution together.
Get an agreement with specifics.
Follow through – do what you said you’d do, talk is cheap, actions say far more.
Schedule an evaluation meeting, review what happened, do ideas need modifying? What has been learnt?

Summary

Some great ideas to help you find a way forward when you next need to have a difficult conversation – learn more with STL.

If you want to be an effective team player, leader, or manager, you need to be able to influence people. Your role title certainly won’t be enough to expect people to do as you’d like them to. You need to take other measures to get your colleagues to support your ideas. This article highlights the Six Principles of Influence.

It can be difficult to increase your influence in the workplace. This is because our colleagues are often preoccupied by their own work and the sheer overload of information in today’s world. Yet the increasing pressure on businesses to be efficient, productive, and profitable makes it more important that you have the ability to influence and get things done.

We are influencing others consciously and subconsciously all the time. When we are influencing, we are trying to make changes in behaviour, opinions, attitudes, goals, needs, or even values. There is no right way, nor is there only one way to influence others. It is important we understand a range of techniques and strategies. We should adapt our approach to the other person or group appropriately. This takes a combination of interpersonal communication, presentation, and assertiveness techniques. These are covered on our great Influencing Skills course. Let’s look at one theory you can employ:

The science of persuasion

Robert Cialdini’s book “Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion” explores factors that affect the decisions that people make. They are the following and here is how you can use them to influence others:

Reciprocity – You feel obliged to give when you receive. So, help others out. Once you’ve helped someone, they’ll be more likely to return the favour when you need it.
Scarcity – People want more of the things there are less of. If customers believe a product will soon disappear or has a limited offer, they will want it more. For example, saying offers are available for a “limited time only” encourages sales. To use scarcity to your advantage, run a promotion for your product that is limited by time, or numbers.
Authority – People follow the lead of credible, knowledgeable experts. Reference industry leaders or your largest customers to influence your authority. If who you want to influence, see that established, successful individuals or businesses use your product or service. They may be reassured that it’s a good investment.
Consistency – People like to be consistent with things they previously said or did. This means that if you can convince another to act in a minor way in relation to something, then they’ll think of themselves as that type of person and be more likely to act in that way again in the future. Introductory offers or product give-aways are an example. If you receive a free product, then you may start to identify yourself as someone who uses that product. Therefore, you will be more likely to act consistently with that identity in the future.
Liking – People prefer to say yes to those they like. So, be likeable, professional, courteous, trustworthy, willing to go the extra mile and follow up on your promises.
Social proof – People will look to others to determine their own actions. This is why adverts or social media “likes” from people we know will frequently influence us. You can use social proof in your sales process by referencing customer case studies. Why not share feedback from your customers?

Conclusion

Applying the Six Principles of Influence can help you get the results you or your organisation wants, and when you do, you’ll be more respected, appreciated and acknowledged in the workplace.

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