Leadership Development – Page 5 – STL

Assertiveness – what exactly is it? Getting your own way? Saying how you feel? Being upfront and honest? Telling it how it is? Well, many people get hung up and confused about what exactly assertiveness is and how you act in an assertive manner.

If you research dictionary definitions, you’ll find the following: “confident and forceful behaviour.” or “behaving confidently and able to say in a direct way what you want or believe”, and “Someone who is assertive states their needs and opinions clearly, so that people take notice”, plus many more definitions. One simple way we at STL define assertiveness, is:

“Behaviour that involves standing up for your own rights, expressing your needs, wants, opinions, feelings and beliefs in a direct, honest way…without violating another person’s rights.”

Another great way, when you want to assert yourself is to do the following: show respect to yourself, then say or do what you need to, and then importantly – show the same respect to the other person(s). As an example, if you make excuses for yourself by saying “Sorry to ask and maybe I shouldn’t…” then this is not exactly showing yourself much self-respect – this is passive/submissive behaviour. Likewise saying for example, “I don’t care what you think – I feel this!” is showing the other involved little to no respect and is aggressive.

If you sometimes lack the confidence to act with assertiveness then these tips can be a big help:

Visualise yourself where you want to be
Do things that scare you – frequently
Question your inner critic
Focus on what you have achieved (rather than haven’t)
Help others
Don’t see others as better than you, just different
Be able to say no and not feel guilty

Other considerations for ensuring you remain assertive are:

Use short, concise sentences
Don’t use lots of excuses
Think about what you will say before you say it
Make sure your body language supports your position
Use the present tense; deal with what exists today
Be positive – rather than affirming what you do not want
Use positive self-talk
Act “as if” – give yourself permission to believe the idea is true right now

Conclusion

We all have rights at work, in addition to our legal working rights, and these are what is reasonable for us to expect in our relationships and in our communications with others. In the workplace as we interact with colleagues, superiors, and clients, we have a right to feel comfortable and secure in our relationships and communications. As well as this, we have a right to be treated fairly and respectfully. We should be able to express our opinions honestly without reprimand, whether we agree with others’ views or not, and seek assistance when needed. However, we should also take responsibility for our behaviour and mistakes, keep in mind that everyone is human, and no-one is perfect.

Assertive people feel connected to other people. They make statements of needs and feelings clearly, appropriately, and respectfully. Feeling in control of themselves, they speak in calm and clear tones, are good listeners, and maintain good eye contact. They create a respectful environment for others, and do not allow others to abuse or manipulate them.

Putting power into people

This means giving them the freedom to do their job their way. This will only happen if you trust individuals, but your employees will never believe they are fully capable if you have no confidence in them yourself. Set clear boundaries and objectives and then increase autonomy and responsibility so that they can plan their work and make their own decisions.

Give your employees the means to succeed at their new or more advanced responsibilities. Make sure they have the knowledge, skills, data sets, tools, and anything else they need to complete their tasks before they begin.

Once you have done this it is important to give them space and hold back from giving them the answers. Clarify the problem but then let them produce their own solutions. People feel more empowered if they are responsible for, or ‘own’ something. This may sound daunting but start small and work up to bigger tasks and responsibilities as they develop new skills and confidence.

Bringing energy and enthusiasm out of people

requires a manager to understand an individual’s needs and motivations. A basic need we all have is a sense of being important, valuable, and worthwhile. Taking the time to ensure that people know how their work contributes to the success of the team and the organisation establishes value and improves motivation. This means they are more likely to be productive and purposeful in executing their responsibilities.

Investing in your employees’ development is another way to show that you value them. Training, coaching, or mentoring will enhance an individual’s confidence while increasing their capacity to take on more difficult assignments and develop their professional and leadership skills.

People also need support, encouragement, and appreciation. Give your staff both positive and helpful, actionable feedback regularly. Employees are more likely to feel empowered if they know their managers are paying attention to and appreciate their contributions.

Blog Categories