Jacob Ahmadzai – Page 40 – STL

The Right Language for Resolving Conflict

In English speaking workplaces, it is important to voice complaints and frustrations by using the right language. When you are dealing with problems, the right approach and level of directness can ensure you don’t cause offence. This article looks at essential language along with 4 tips to resolve conflict situations effectively.

Language to Avoid Blame

After an issue has occurred and you explain what your colleague did, it is essential that you avoid making judgements about their actions or what they said because this can escalate issues and intensify the conflict. Besides that, it helps to be specific and descriptive when you are explaining. Below is an example of how you could describe an action without blaming the other person.

Blaming: “We lost an important piece of business because of you”.

Avoids blame: “The customer said she terminated the contract because our support team took too long to respond to her requests”.

Blaming: “You ignored a key client”.

Avoids blame: “You responded to the client a week after their request, while the previous salesperson tended to get back to them within 24 hours”.

Language to Describe Behaviour

When explaining things that have been said or done that cause problems for you, use language the describes the person’s behaviour and do not use sweeping generalisations about their personal character. Besides that, when you describe these behaviours it is important to remain neutral and measured and avoid exaggerations. Below is an example that shows how you could describe an action by focusing on the other person’s behaviour.

Judgemental: “You are incompetent”.

Neutral: “There are some errors in the report you prepared”.

Judgemental: “You are not assertive enough”.

Neutral: “You haven’t been putting forward ideas on this project”.

Language to Explain Your Situation

When others are explaining problems you may have caused, it is important to share your constraints and circumstances. For example, explaining the context in which you made a decision or the information you had at the time will help others to understand and accept your version of events. Below are two examples of how you could explain your situation.

“From your perspective, I was overly involved in this project. However, when I worked with this client previously, he regularly complained about relatively minor issues.”

“I didn’t mean to be abrupt. It was in a rush to meet an important deadline”.

Language to Express Feelings

Sometimes it is necessary to talk about feelings in order to move forward. When you talk about how their behaviour affected you, it is helpful to use “I” statements. By matching “I” statements with your feelings, the language becomes less blaming or accusatory, and enables you to simply describe your feelings. Here are some examples of describing how you felt using “I” statements.

Blaming: “What you said was hurtful.”

Explaining: “I was hurt by what you said.”

Blaming: “You embarrassed me.”

Explaining: “I felt embarrassed when you did that.”

In Summary…

You can approach challenging situations and resolve conflict by using the right language to avoid blame, describe your counterpart’s behaviour, explain your situation and express your feelings. Perhaps most importantly, the use language that doesn’t blame will also help you to foster collaboration, protect the precious relationships you have and drive productivity at work.

Why won’t you answer?

So many time’s we send emails praying to get a quick response. Far too often that one reply necessary to move forward on our work doesn’t materialise. So, what are the secrets to getting that quick response? In this article we will try and shift the power back into your corner. Here are 5 Quick Ways to get a Response to Emails.

Social proof can be a catalyst for action.

‘We have heard from the rest of your team; we are just waiting for your department to confirm?’

It is hard for someone to realise they are holding up a process, or worse, that others are watching them.

Too often we ask for things that are centred on our needs. We forget who we are asking, and how important they feel our needs are.

Take some time and consider who is receiving your plea for help. Do they really care? This can be one of the biggest reasons for someone not responding. The secret is to provide a reason why, try using the word because. ‘Hi John, just really need that final figure from the weekend’s results. Accounts are waiting to move forward.’ Psychologists from Harvard proved that 93% of people will respond when the word ‘because’ is used.

And then there is the implication of a friendship by using their name more than once.

Something that can stir anyone into action is to feel that they are helping a friend. ‘Hi John, need that report pretty urgently. John, if you can get it to me by close of play, I can really get some traction on this deal and help us both out.’ Most people like the idea of a close working relationship, so why not make it so?

The next point is also in the last statement to John. What’s-in-it-for-them.

Most people are focused on their own responsibilities, and few will find favour having requests that mean nothing to them, so try placing the request with a ‘what’s-in-it-for-them’. ‘Hi John, think I can help you save a bucket load of time. John, if you could send over the report today, we will catch the deadline and avoid two months of headaches for you.’ As long as there is accuracy in your statements, all will go well. Remember that trust is the most valuable commodity that you can exchange.

And finally, the opportunity to use that powerful sense of humour you are just busting a valve to show-off – throw in a frog.

John gets an email begging him for his help and you will be so grateful, you will chuck in a pet frog. Humour can be the best medicine, and once the net is cast, can be utilised to further build the relationship. The requests may never end. ‘Where’s my pet frog you promised me a couple of weeks ago?’

At the end of the day, some emails are simply not worth responding too, but these 5 quick ways to get a response to emails will help yours get answered, fast.

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